We Need Love Stories - Not Social Work

Life goes on, broken foot and all. I become more and more adept at getting around in my wheelchair, so much so that four year old Felix  now pleads with his father to buy him one too. He is convinced it is a real fun thing to whiz around on wheels in the house.  Friends come and go, birthdays are celebrated, moods change from good to bad and again to good. One morning when I check my mail I find a letter from Ariela.  It is just the sort of thing you want to wake up to in the morning. It moves me incredibly. 

The letter is addressed  to friends in India but is actually meant (she tells me later)  for me to know how she feels about  my staying with her. In it she speaks of how, considering she is up to her neck in work, in scriptwriting, children related tasks, household chores and the rest,  and in spite of the fact that it seems crazy to have invited me over to recuperate from my accident, in actual fact my presence is for her,  a pleasure. 

It is not that we spend a heck of a lot of time with each other every day, but every now and then she pops down and we have a little chat, and in the evenings we sit together after dinner, sometimes looking at the day’s events or our lives, over a glass of wine. Not  a day goes by without her persuading me to stay on, till Christmas – at least.  Now and then when I reflect about it there is a sense of bewilderment. First life lands me with a bunch of broken bones and then it finds me a dream family to live with while I recover. It could have been difficult. We could have got on each other’s nerves. We could have driven each other round the bend. So far it has been  far from that. At times I can hardly believe my luck.

I think to myself, the world needs love stories much more than it needs social workers. Love as a medium of transformation could effect a thousand times the change that organisations and agencies in the business of social reform, try to bring about. Love cannot be institutionalised - and because of that it remains always fresh and new and real. What it spreads is a kind of energy, a special feeling, it creates a special atmosphere and in this atmosphere everything is possible to do with the utmost lightness.

Love energy really does make miracles possible and I simply sense it from day to day, living with Ariela and Thomas and the children. True love is far from the bullshit which goes in its name. It has nothing to do with possessiveness and control. It has a lot to do with caring for the other person, and that includes emptying the shit pot if need be, or helping with routine tasks, with bathing, with fetching and carrying. It has to do mainly with sharing space and energy.

Why are there not enough love stories in the world? How come we don’t get high from being with each other and helping each other in every way possible?  Is it that over the centuries we have got  hooked on to the wrong things in life, the way addicts are hooked to drugs or alcoholics to their bottle? That is, we are hooked on to anger, to feelings of revenge, to destruction as a means to provide us with excitement.  Hopelessly addicted to all that is false and illusionary.

In real love, one learns to stand alone. Love thrives precisely because there are no expectations, no demands, no self images involved. At the same time one learns to ask for what one really needs, without having to feel ashamed of it.  One is not afraid to be seen the way one is, in all one’s weakness and vulnerability.  There is no claim on the other person’s time.  What is given, is given of one’s free will and without the least bit of grudging.

Why do human beings over and over again, choose the way of control and power in relationships, deny each other the gifts they possess, deny real love and in the event that love does make an appearance quickly destroy it through their crazy demands and their inability to make space for this divine energy?

Comments

[Chandran]

What you wrote about love was beautiful. I have experienced love as caring and sharing, where the gving and receiving seem as one and complete each other. There is no sense of the receiver either demanding or feeling obligated nor the giver feeling either burdened or expecting anything in return, even gratitude (for the other side of gratitude is guilt).
While the love-stories of others can inspire us, each of our lives can be a love story, as I have been discovering for myself these last few years!

[Dwight]

Hi Uma,

I had a hectic day yesterday but it began with reading your article, thanks! What struck me immediately was that 'love' requires effort. The effort to look at the way I am, my patterns and my need for everything to be easy and effortless. While the 'state of love' requires no effort to reach, it does require effort to reach the point where we are able to accept this bliss. I find nothing changes except that I become willing to accept life as it is.

[sharat]

Hi Uma,

If the letter to friends in India (or, rather to you!) is about friends, would you or Ariela mind sharing it with us?

Sharat

[uma]

Hi Sharat, Ariela of course doesn't mind sharing it with you. I would however first have to translate it, so perhaps you will see it at some point.

[Kirron]

Why do human beings over and over again choose the way of power and control in relationships- what a koan-ic question, Uma.
To me the most profound insight in this regard has been once again - divine play- maya- and when alert and restful I am able to smile ever so gently and step out of the drama that otherwise has such a grip on me.
I read this lovely piece by Meher baba which speaks to this game of the lover and beloved.. our going asleep in order to deeply enjoy waking up ;-)

Thought its a good idea to post it here:

"God is Love. And Love must love. And to love there must be a Beloved. But since God is Existence infinite and eternal there is no one for Him to love but Himself. And in order to love Himself He must imagine Himself as the Beloved whom He as the Lover imagines He loves.

Beloved and Lover implies separation. And separation creates longing; and longing causes search. And the wider and the more intense the search the greater the separation and the more terrible the longing.

When longing is most intense separation is complete, and the purpose of separation, which was that Love might experience itself as Lover and Beloved, is fulfilled; and union follows. And when union is attained, the Lover knows that he himself was all along the Beloved whom he loved and desired union with; and that all the impossible situations that he overcame were obstacles which he himself had placed in the path to himself.

To attain union is so impossibly difficult because it is impossible to become what you already are! Union is nothing other than knowledge of oneself as the Only One." - Meher baba

[crow]

What a beautiful thought to begin my day with. Thanks, uma. I'll be thinking of you today, and of this:

"Why are there not enough love stories in the world? How come we don’t get high from being with each other and helping each other in every way possible?"

I know the stories are everywhere. Time to start telling them : )

bows,
crow