Are we equal?

If there is one thing we find difficult to understand and to come to terms with in India it is our relationship with those who work for us. We call them "servants" (the more polite among us have other terms for them like "household or domestic help"). They happen to be our drivers or malis, or the watchmen who guard our buildings. The cook for us, they clean for us and help us to organise our lives better but when you look at the connections between us and them, it's a godawful mess.

 

Each time I return home from abroad I become painfully aware of it. Of where we stand in relation to each other and not only our inability to incorporate them fully into our lives but also their inability and embarrassment when you attempt to treat them as equals. The best among us are mildly sanctimonious and develop a condescending attitude when we think of “all that we do” for them. The best among “them” are inwardly resentful and apt to rebel in hidden ways. And so the question remains. How and where does true equality begin?

 

Maybe it begins when we recognise the fact that our relationships are not equal. Not because some of us in fact are superior to others but because we have been taught to believe it. The society which has grown out of this kind of thinking over the centuries, in spite of so much outward progress remains unequal and unjust.

 

Those of us who have more than others – in terms of money, resources and power have yet to develop the kind of social responsibility which will motivate us to share our knowledge and resources with the rest and pave the way to equality. The sad thing is that our superior position and outlook hinders us from acknowledging what people “on the other side” have to offer. Personally I have found that individuals who come from less affluent and sophisticated backgrounds, be it the cook, the window cleaner, driver or anybody else, are much more refreshing to be with than those who imagine they have it all. They are wise, perceptive and warm hearted and many of them are people I consider friends.

 

They are as capable of being our social equals as those whom we consider our equals just because they have had a certain kind of education or belong to a club. I wouldn’t say it as a rule, I don’t want to glorify anyone, neither people from my background nor from theirs. What I am getting at is how does a true exchange between individuals from different backgrounds, cultural or economic, become possible?

 

To try and instantly force social change doesn’t seem to work either, because it takes a while for old traditions and habits to die. Maybe it begins with each of us being ready to look at these things, ready to listen to each other, ready for change. To make the time and space for genuine connections. It’s not going to be easy but it’s time to make a start.

Uma