The fact is that when you withdraw your energy from
conflict and manipulative action, you begin to see into the nature of life. You
begin to see why it is important to shake off your ego, to shake off the
heaviness. It is so that you can wake up
to what you were meant to experience in life!
With the meditation I described in the previous
article, I gained insight for the first time, into what I can only call
"intention." I realized that I
had previously not got far because the intention in the early days seemed
lacking. Even my efforts to “find myself” seemed nothing more than an
unconscious maneuver to settle down into a comfort zone disguised from where I
could spuriously participate in the mystery and adventure of life. I realised
that I had avoided real adventure till then. The danger of it scared me. To
decide to go for the real thing suddenly takes on a new dimension. Because you
see there can be no half way house. You see that "getting there"
means getting to a place where you can be yourself and let others also be. But
you see the many dangers involved. First of all, the pain and struggle in
throwing off the layers and layers that you have accumulated over the years and
with which you have covered up your true identity. The pain of letting go, especially on the
days when your vision is foggy and you see nothing awaiting you at the end of
it. Often only a dim memory of the possibility of that direct and simple
connection with others, a dim memory of my childhood connections and the memory
of the vibrant energy of those days, kept me going. It kept my intention alive.
This intention helped me to understand the importance
of stillness too. I saw that nothing was possible if you could not learn to be
absolutely still within. Because it is in stillness that the next step unfolds.
In the stillness you see what you need to do, what it means “to go ahead.” In
the stillness, you realise that this is where your true independence lies. Only
you know what the right thing is, for you. The uniqueness of your life and
circumstances have made your path, one that only you could follow. This is what
makes you special. As it makes everybody else special too! But then along with
this comes the realization that you are alone in a sense, and it is accompanied
by a sense of responsibility for your own life.
Uma
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