This piece was sent in by Suresh a few days ago:
At yesterday evening’s Saturday Meditation Session, Uma played a narrative by Osho, about what he perceived as lying underneath all the destruction and war in the world today. He put it all down to our incapacity to deal with our own sexuality.
We agreed that the life-force, the energy we find around around us, in the seedling, the plants, in animals – is essentially sexual in nature. And everything in nature, except man, is able to express his sexuality easily. Doesn’t mean that one goes around having sex with everyone, but the moment we even come face to face with sexuality in human relationships, we shy away from it. We repress it until it digresses into some "Perversion", according to Osho – like anger, aggression, even murder.
In all this, I who was the only gay present in the session, asked myself – how much gay people like me in India, even in a metropolis like Mumbai, get to express our sexuality, leave alone explore it.
The denial of that expression
alone, the repression, the judgments and the convention of denial and
prejudice against being gay in Society, even in a circle of “friends”
or “colleagues” – makes our Existence itself a big Oppression, a burden
to be borne… when our very basic primal urge needs to be covered with
lies such as “I am not married yet because I had a break-up with some
girl”, I don’t have “girl-friends” because… And not to mention the
sneaking glance at a passing good-looking guy when straight men and
women get to cruise away to glory.
In a City where everyone is so busy with their own problems, and bigger survival issues like No Water Supply, No Electricity, No Rains, Religious riots, Human rights violation in the name of Ignorance and Power, where does a gay start to express his own rights/the right to live “as he is” without having to depend on double-identity or lies?
Even in the age of Internet, we find it difficult to find and explore people who are similar in urges like us, other gays! In the absence of Government Social-Security Pension schemes like in the UK, most of us are paranoid with fear about old-age. Indian gays get married to have a child: In India, a support, a security for old age.
I, for one, am tired of looking out for my angel… Gay matrimonial, parties, hang-outs! Why is it so difficult for somebody to find another person to share his primal urge with, to live out life with, to care for and be cared for, to live like a couple? How can I, when there is Victorian law in the Indian Constitution Penal Code 377 which brands a gay as criminal in the eyes of law, making us easy targets for a corrupt Police Force?! (Do something about it Mr.Chidambaram!)
The thin line between hope and disappointment blurs everyday, and each night a new one is drawn… as I sing a lullaby to my own heart….
"Somewhere someone is made for me, is waiting for me, will meet me soon!" I coo to myself.
That will be the day! That will be the Day!
What are we each looking for?
A stranger with potential,
A one-night stand,
Or just a dance
Together
At some loud Party…
A funny chat over coffee
A movie, a play
Or a rain-dance
Getting wet in the rain
Hand in hand
At Nariman Point…?
What are you looking for?
What am I looking for?
Beyond these!
Seemingly meaningless rituals
Is there a future?
Suresh
one of the best pieces, i have read, Suresh !
very well written and articulated.
Posted by: radha | Thursday, July 02, 2009 at 01:56 PM
Today, 2nd of July 2009, the Archaic and Draconian Section 377 was ammended to legalize consenting Gay sex between adults, in India.
Over the years I, personally as a gay guy myself, have received continued and much-valued support from my therapist Uma, my gay and other straight friends (who have accepted me as I am) and my sister Sudha (who knows about my sexuality and totally accepts me as a natural guy). How can I ever thank you all enough!?
I wish to thank all the progressive Psychiatrists & wonderful Counsellors and Therapists who see Homosexuality as perfectly natural and are helping many other gay people like me in coping up with the various phobias that we have picked up along the way growing up in a highly homophobic society.
I lived as a gay couple with another gay man for over 2 years in the same apartment, under the Section 377 of the Indian Penal code over 4 years ago when it was a criminal offence to indulge in gay sexual acts even in private life. I know the trauma of living in constant fear, knowing that we could be picked up by the Police or anyone else wanting to blackmail us or harass us, if they knew that we were (consenting and adult) gay couple.
I also remember today, all those friends who lost their lives to AIDS in the Gay Community who couldn't live to see this Historic Day!
Not to forget the icon Ashok Rao Kavi, the silent Gay friend Chetan who recently passed away (i wonder what he would have had to say about his day!), all the Gay Rights Activists and Organisations- Like Humsafar Trust (who sent me the first Gay Counsellor to help me become comfortable with my own sexuality), Gay Bombay (for holding events where Gay romance comes across as just any other romance)....NAAZ, gay-theme based film directors and producers, all those who participated in the LGBT Gay Pride this year, and supported our Cause and Delhi High Court.
This Triumph is as much yours', as it is of the LGBT community in India. Thanks.
- Suresh
Posted by: Suresh | Thursday, July 02, 2009 at 07:31 PM