basic reflections

The Fear Of Envy

This piece on envy was written by Radha:

Envy, according to the Bible, is an evil that leads to quarrels, fights, disorder, and “every vile practice”. Perhaps so. Especially when it is not kept in its due place and is allowed to take over one self. 

 

There is such fear of feeling envy. Since childhood we are taught not to feel 'envy' and 'jealousy'... we're given hues and colours of the worst evil, so that innocent longings for something which another has, gets buried and twisted into unacceptable feelings.

 

I have for years subjugated these feelings of envy and jealousy and created for myself an image of being tolerant, accepting-of-my-fate, non-acquisitive, "nice" ... the works in fact. For years I have quite complacently lived as this persona. 

 

Why is it so difficult to accept that one feels envy? That one (also) wants something another has ? My readings and research on many issues frequently brings me in touch with the comforts of the Western countries. And I do find myself feeling envy - for streets which one can walk on, not filled with garbage, filth and what not, for well-kept parks and public spaces, for something as simple as being able to cross the road without fear of being run-over, for psychological spaces to be able to express artistic talents... Yes, I do feel I want those things to. Just to be able to live in a non-stressful environment. 

 

I used to push away these feelings and convince myself with arguments about how unhappy people are in the West. About lack of community bonding. About living in a manicured and unreal world. 

 

I have felt envy when I have met people or read their writings, who are thinkers and can imagine and articulate their thoughts well. I find myself wanting to be able to think like them, have a mind that is vast and is able to make connection. To be able to envision. Or great artistes, musicians who can make powerful music that moves the soul, artworks that lunge into one's psyche. 

 

Yes, along with my admiration and awe, I have felt twinges of envy ... of wanting to able to do such things. Somewhere I have felt that to be able to express oneself in such a manner requires powerful feelings inside. 

 

What I find now is something very powerful and releasing for me. My very acceptance and acknowledgement of my feelings of envy, removed the 'evil' that I believed it had. I find envy an interesting emotion now. I find it puts me in touch with my sense of deprivation. It allows me to feel feelings of "want". It allows me to get in touch with areas where I feel poor or needy. Somehow, this envy fills blank areas inside me which otherwise were not explainable.

 

If we just allow the label of "evil" and "bad" to fall away from envy (and other such emotions), we can allow ourselves to become 'better' people. Freer. Less hapless. More comfortable. Easier with oneself.

 

Tradition And Virtue

This piece was recently sent to me by Suman Bakshi. Let us know how you feel about tradition and virtue:

The other day I wondered about statements being made by various people through my life. Statements delivered with a certain pomposity and finality. ‘Wear a sari, it’s traditional, it's good and what Indians look best in and …what is done’, ‘This is the only way to cook the Chitraput Saraswat or Kashmiri food ’, ‘This is how we celebrate Diwali and we must decorate the thali exactly like this’, this is how this was done always.’ In short, ‘Do all this and you are a good girl’!

Now in my fifties, I wonder who in the world it was who designed the sari, or created Saraswat cuisine, or decided that Diwali celebrations would be with sweets, fireworks and cards? The inventor would probably be over the moon that his one idea has stood the test of time over centuries! The seal on invention for Saraswat or Kashmiri cuisine has been closed for future inventive Kashmiri or Saraswat chefs! No doubt the sari was creativity at its best… scintillating, vibrant and beautiful. And kudos to the designer! Just maybe it was not one inventor and all this evolved and became eventually the sari, the cuisine, the festival. But most certainly the evolution has languished to a halt! It’s not that I don’t love the feel of a soft sari drape around me or the fragrance of agarbatti and the peace of sitting at my pooja corner. It is the label of virtue attached to a person who abides by convention without looking beneath it, that irks me. Most of us don’t know why we exactly stick to certain conventions, how they came about or what it means. We follow them with a certain smugness as if it makes us virtuous by just doing them. Are we confusing tradition with goodness and virtue? Do we care about what is really important like kindness or gentleness or generosity or honesty or sincerity or a passion for life? The zeal to toe the line, play safe, find approval and fit in with the ‘pack’ creates a certain mindlessness and powerlessness, an inability to see through to the person inside carefully cloaked in tradition.

Some people who I had the good fortune to have in my life, who stepped out of the box, like Roopa, who wore trousers to weddings much to the exasperation of the conventional community. She was the kind of person who would give the last shirt she owned to a person in need and has helped scores of desperately unhappy people with her counseling skills, bringing them ‘back to life’, without charging a rupee. If she was more comfortable wearing trousers to a sari, so be it! Then there was my young maid Helen who smiled and laughed through all her problems (which were gargantuan, believe me). She loved my kids and us like we were family and brought so much life and laughter into the home. She was Catholic but like a happy little beaver she threw herself into the decorations for our Gokulashtami Pooja, painting the diyas, ardently making a beautiful cradle with her own hands and a lovely little dress for the baby Krishna.

She threw herself into everything and her enthusiasm was unhampered by our glowering Brahmin cook Rukma, who showed her vehement disapproval at a Catholic touching the pooja. I loved Helen, her laughter, her loving nature, her zest for life and her ability to respect and embrace all religions.

I wish I could live on Mark Twain’s recommendation “Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” But before I begin, I must go and cook the Dum Aloos exactly the way it was done 100 years ago!

 Suman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

School Or Mint?

This piece on education was sent in by Radha:

 

My daughter’s School’s Chairman was roughed up by parents.

 Andhra Pradesh proposes a fee ceiling for private schools.

 My daughter’s current school Timpany, is supposedly one of the better schools in Visakhapatnam

When she started school there was much debate about which school she should go to. And I remember poring over lists, speaking to various parents, friends and researching other sources. At the end of it, we decided that our daughter should go to another school,Visaka Valley School.

What decided our choice was an excellent argument from one of our friends. She said every school has its good teachers and bad teachers. And your child will be concerned about the teachers. The management of the school makes for a good school or a bad school and the child never comes in contact with the management. Hence no matter which school you choose, the quality of teaching will not be much different. I found that excellent advice. We chose a school which had much better ambience, larger, free and open spaces, and with smaller class strengths. And we never regretted our decision.

Timpany, however, seems to be part of her fate. She went to Timpany for her 11^th and 12^th class as this school offered the combination of subjects which we wanted. And that’s where we got embroiled in the management problems. Timpany has a history of management problems. With stories of the director embezzling funds to now this insane fee-hike.

Timpany, this year, arbitrarily increased its fees 80%. Without prior information to parents in adequate time. When we opened the fee book in June we saw that the fees have been almost doubled. The management had played clever and dirty. They waited until June. They did not inform anyone. We could not pull our kids out of the school and take them elsewhere. We were stuck. The problem was the method adopted. The slyness and underhand way of going about the monumental increase in fees. Parents with 2 or 3 kids in school would feel a major crunch.

The parent’s association has raised a hue and cry. They have been fighting the management, have brought orders from the District Department of Education. But to no avail. The management is adamant, in spite of ‘dharnas’ in front of the school.

In this context and atmosphere, the AP government’s proposal for a fee ceiling is welcome. Private schools have become places of rip-offs. They charge incredibly high fees, but the quality of teachers is less than mediocre. For eg. the teachers of the two most difficult subjects for my daughter – maths and accounts, are much less than mediocre. The children do not understand a word of what is being taught. And we spend tons on tuitions. Classroom and toilet conditions, simple comfort levels, attention to non-academic and creative activities etc. are much less than adequate.

Education, has become like politics. A dirty place. A quick, fast way of making huge money, and a no-options situation for the public. With so much push and awareness about education, every parent now, whatever economic situation, vies for the best education for the child. But do we get it ? Education has remained mediocre. Teaching methodologies, management policies, classroom and school conditions have not shown the escalation that the fees have shown. I am not even going into education and its impact on the child – that is another can of worms.

Under these conditions, what is the common (wo)man supposed to do ?

Radha